2015: Pay Attention.

That’s the motto for 2015 – Pay Attention.   See?  I even wrote it down:



It was a great New Years Eve – most fun I’ve had in a long time.  We stayed up far too late and laughed and had a great time.  Sadly, now all the pictures are being posted on Face Book and it’s pretty obvious I need to put a little space between me and alcohol.  My youngest tells me I’m too hard on myself, and everybody else was having fun and being silly too (at least my small gang of friends), but I just don’t like to see it.  I’m trying not to feel embarrassed – oh well.



So I woke up today at the crack of 10:50 a.m. and began my new day.  I felt FABULOUS.  That’s a lie.  I did not feel fabulous.  But nonetheless, I busted open my fresh new 2015 notebook and made my lists, paid my bills, ran, ate healthy, everything I want to do over this next year.

I also poured all the booze down the drain.  Sort of symbolic.  If you do what you always do, you get what you always get.  So I’m going to try something different for a little bit.  The funny part is that last night I did the complete opposite of what I normally do on New Years Even – I like to roll into the new year feeling awesome, so I take it really easy.  We’ll see how this “Opposite Thing” works out for me.



Find a Penny, Pick It Up…

I go for a run pretty much every day I can, it’s a nice perk of working from home. I do two to four miles, depending on what I’ve got going on that day. I don’t run the whole thing, I run/walk – endurance has never been my strength, and interval training is good for you. So I use my Polar FT60 heart rate monitor to help me know when to slow down and when to speed up.

The only thing that will chase me off is a super busy day, gusty cold winds, and rain – I’m pretty cat-like in my desire to not get damp.

If you’d told me a couple of years ago that I’d enjoy this, I’d laugh. I used to crack that the only reason I’d run is to put out the fire. Or for vodka. I started this year because I really wanted to take the weight off; I’d reached 164 pounds by end of July and was done with it. And it was a cooler summer than usual, so I could run outside as opposed to my treadmill in the basement.

And something odd happened – I realized I liked it. I started to get better at it, and the periods in which I had to slow down to a fast walk became more infrequent and shorter. I’ve never been competitive, and I’ve never challenged myself. I’m sort of sloth-y. So there I am – I tell myself I will run to the fence, then walk. And I run past the fence. I tell myself I will slow down at the sign post, but I blow past it. And eventually I get myself permission to slow down to a fast walk and I catch my breath and I smile, because it’s important to smile when you are happy with yourself.

The weight has come off, and my legs are sculpted in a way I didn’t think possible. But that’s not my favorite thing about running. When I challenge myself and rise to it and even beat it, even by a little, I sort of feel like a winner. I realize I can do something. I’m not really sure what to call it yet because I don’t know what it is. But it feels good, so I took a running selfie of me.



Look at me! I haven’t taken a running selfie in a long time, because I now run on the path by the road and not in the woods, so it’s not as pretty. I stopped running the path through the woods when I realized that’s where they keep all the snakes.

This was only what, twenty minutes ago? It was 38 degrees outside! Cold as hell but bright and sunny and I probably swallowed a cup of snot but I did it and it felt fabulous.

And I found a penny right after I took this running self, which I think bodes well for me in the new year. It’s a good omen for me.



Love, me



I haven’t posted in ages – but, oddly enough, not because I wasn’t doing all the things I said I wanted to do.

It was because I was actually doing those things.  (Well, most of them!)  To date, I have lost the weight, plus a few – around twenty pounds total – that I gained when I quit smoking for the last New Year.  I have begun running, eating pretty cleanly most of the time, pretty much gave up wine (replaced it with gin, but STILL), got more conscientious about work/study, and began volunteering.

And my ass is whooped.

So a whole new year is coming, and I do love me a good New Year.  Nice and clean.  I have lots of things I want and need to commit to, now that I know I can.  Was trying to decide if I wanted to blog or not – but you know?  Fuck it.  Nobody reads it but me, so I will.  Carefully, naturally, but I like to read what I’ve written.

I’ll try to be diligent about it, diligence being my watch-word and all…



Is it working?

Just a quick one – I think I’ve lost a few pounds.  Pretty sure.

Plus I took this running trail selfie this morning and it strikes me that I look better – heathier?  Yes, I think so.


Oh yeah – I love my fitbit.  That is all.

New Moons, getting older, making changes, and my fat ass.


I am not into astrology and can barely remember that it’s not astronomy.  But it seems that tomorrow marks the “new moon in Virgo” and as my crunchy hippy daughter shared a link about it on Facebook (and that’s how I know!), I read it and wowie got excited.

So here’s a snipped from http://www.mysticmamma.com/new-moon-in-virgo-august-25th-2014/ – 

NEW MOON in Virgo is here and the energy in the air is about healing and rewiring our old programming with mindful awareness, self-love and forgiveness.



The New Moon of Virgo is a time to start fresh and write out a new plan for the next 6 months. It is a time to look inward and cleanse ourselves of our negative traits and to go out renewed in our actions to cleanse the world. 

Seriously.  So it seems the stars are all aligned up to bang on each other, confuse the shit out of me, and I’m supposed to go with it and reprogram my life – after the 25th, the door swings open and everything aligns for us if we do the work.  And a whole bunch of other stuff.  

Okey dokey!

It’s a rather amusing concept as I look around at my (again) messy house.  M and I stayed up till nearly 2am talking.  It was so good – he’s struggled so much this year, and the loss of our dog (HIS dog) just pushed him too far.  We talked about how we want to live our lives, where we want to live our lives, all of it.  And as always, he loves me so much.  He’s so appreciative that I’ve been able to be patient with him as he navigates these waters.

I think one thing that we agree on is that where we are right now isn’t where we want to be.  We don’t care for the area, the house, the way we both work from home (nice as it is), etc.  And if my daughter bravely moving off to Korea has showed us anything, it’s that we crave a new adventure.

Now, M is still in bed and he’ll wake up exactly the same as he did yesterday.  I don’t.  I look around and begin planning.

These last 2 weeks have been all about change – and about being ok with it when I can’t affect change immediately, when I fail a little.  Tomorrow marks the beginning of my 3rd week of this change, and I feel renewed.  I must get this house clean.  Get to the gym.  Run my errands.  Prepare for my work week and begin planning how to renew myself at work – to study harder, to not waste time, so that good things will happen in my career.  Continue to be financially responsible.  And do the things I used to love, like painting or drawing, or find new things…  Be more social.


Scale shows a small weight loss, just a couple pounds, tape measure confirms I’m just a little smaller.  But everything else has slid into a hot mess – well, shows the ability to, anyway.  So I think I’ll take my New Moon in Virgo, thanks.

Something else that has been weighing on my mind is aging, of course.  Then I found some amazing pictures that also revived me – 

grey1  Seeing pictures of such beautiful mature women made me feel better and hammered home the fact that we are youth obsessed, and my youth is gone.  But not my beauty, and not what makes me interesting.  I’ve been a BORE for the last 10 years.  

So, again, NEW MOON IN VIRGO bring it!!