Back of the slide. Backsliding is over.

I haven’t blogged since the 12th.

That’s because I began drinking and smoking again.  Oh, not much, not at first, but more and more each day, till I’m almost back to where I was.  Matter of fact, this time last week I was suffering the worst hangover of all mankind.

Ok, maybe not.  And to tell the truth, I had a lot of fun – I called a friend and we went to a club, and I haven’t been to one of those in 10 years.  There was a pretty bad 80s hair band, and lots of girls with brittle yellow hair and tattoos.  I didn’t care.  I actually laughed a lot, and I’m sort of amazed nobody beat me down for being a smarmy asshole.  It was SO funny. 

I did pay for it the next day; powerful hurt.  But I danced.  So that’s odd and conflicting in ways I don’t want to write about right now.

Then I haven’t worked out in the past week. Too cold, knees aching, etc. 

Asshole.  Oh well, if it was easy, everybody’d be doing it.  But it’s not, and it takes time.  Now the cough is back, the phlegm is back, so gross – the sneezes are back and I sneezed goo on my shirtsleeve today at Safeway today.  NICE. 

I finally worked out again today and while I killed it (my strength and endurance has definitely improved) I could feel Every.  Single.  Cigarette.

Oddest bit is, I don’t like any of it.  I like it the other way.  The way in which I feel fantastic and sleep like a goddamned bear naturally and can log into my own stinking blog and not feel like a phoney.

So, a new day comes.  I hope Mike is with me.

A lot left unsaid there.


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